He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
