I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
