I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
