Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
