Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
