why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
