It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
