if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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