Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just invented taco cereal.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
