remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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