She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
