when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize