U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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