never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
