Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I should be sponsored by Trojan
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
