in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
