well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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