woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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