cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
