Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
