Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
