Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
