I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
