You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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