I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
