I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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