R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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