i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
