I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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