Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
