So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
