It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
