I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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