dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
