I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
