i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
