Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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