I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
