Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
