he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
