The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
