I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
