So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
