either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
