You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize
