he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
