I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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