I'm drive I can fine osifer
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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