i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
