We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
