maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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