I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
