I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
