I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm passing your future prison.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
