it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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