Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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