Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
