I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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