were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
