If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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