so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize