ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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