I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
