he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
