i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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