people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
