Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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