he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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