someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
